I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
