Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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