walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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