I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
