Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
