Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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