In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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