then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
