i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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