Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
