I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
