i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
