Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
