So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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