I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
