I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize