I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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