So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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