): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
