can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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