New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
