i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
