that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
