my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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