I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
