Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
