And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
