so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
