I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
