I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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