I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
