She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
