omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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