I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
