she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
