If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
