Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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