Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
