filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
