we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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