hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
