I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize