If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
