He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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