i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
