Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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