Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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