hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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