Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
