Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
