we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
