Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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