Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
