The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
