I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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