just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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