Christians are straight up FREAKS
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
