My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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