I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize