He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
