Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
