he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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