Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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