dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
