"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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