i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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