"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
