My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
