If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
