Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
