Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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