I think my vagina is haunted
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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