she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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