why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
