Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
