Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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