So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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