I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
