thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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