Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
