my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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