Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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