So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
