Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
