i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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