its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
