Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I did not marry a roomba.
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