You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
