I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
