We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
