Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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