it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
