Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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