i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
