We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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