I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
