im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
