I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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