im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
