when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
